Where is God when it hurts? (self-control)

[Nira]

Where is God when it hurts? I got this line from Philip Yancey’s book which must have been read by a lot of us. I also ask the same question every time I am confused, disturbed and hopeless. God convicted me when a sister told me that it’s not God Who is drifting away but me. I was inactive in the church for two months before and I have all the stupid reasons to say “No” to getting involved – and even the alibi that I am too busy to fit church in my busy schedule. As If I’m really busy at all. Shame on me to do that to the Author of my life.

Sometimes, I still ask the Lord where He is when I am in pain, feeling bitter and hurt. But it’s different now, because I know, God is so near me, that He is just there hugging me. Actually, it is really disgraceful to ask God where He is when all along, He is with us, either we are in pain or not.

Just last month, I received a very rude treatment I never imagined someone would do to me. It was my first time. God knows that I was deeply hurt and I nearly cried right then and there, in front of that person and the others who were around that time. I wanted to fight back to defend myself but I relented.

I know I am not the only one who experienced that same treatment. Others might be worst.

According to Galatians 5:22-23, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”

Of all the virtues mentioned above, it’s self-control I have difficulty the most in cultivating it. It’s really difficult to fight with one’s self. It’s hard to be calm when you know that all the things around you are so persistent to break your peace. We cannot control situations or people around us; what they say and what they do. Sometimes, we even end up one like them - angry, irate and losers.

Even with the privilege of being children of God, we are not guaranteed to triumph over every temptation. If we only do it by ourselves, we never really win. Apart from the Lord, we are nothing. I remember the story of Joseph, the dreamer. He was tempted too. But what was so amazing with this brother is how he faced it. He ran --- he did not run to it, he ran away. Some of us, myself included, run nearer to temptation rather than flee from it.

Back in college, I have been a radical, even if I was not openly joining activist movements. It’s in my nature, I guess. I and my friends used to have this motto: “Kapag may lamat na ang baso, palitan ng bago”. Simple it may seem, but it has lots of meaning.

Back to the intimidation I received, not fighting back did not make me loser. Actually, I saw how God moves. After awhile, the person who did that to me, humbly approached me with a totally different mood – a better one, in fact. That was only after 15 minutes!

Though he did not say he was sorry, I know action speaks louder than words. He regretted what he did.

I said to myself that I don’t deserve it. But my perspective changed, too. Do I really deserve anything better? Quite frankly, we all don’t deserve anything better… Only death and hell. But with God’s grace and love, everything changed. We have nothing to be proud about ourselves. But we should be proud how wonderful and merciful our Lord is!