Men and women: equal but different
There was a post on that infamous Christian forum of which I speak often, about Feminism vs. Ferminists. My response is that modern feminism is not about empowering women with equality, it’s agenda is more radical and does indeed seek to devalue men’s manhood, and all the garbage that can attach itself to that agenda. True equality is not in feminism, but rather in Christ. The family structure, including husband and wife roles, is clearly delineated in the Word of God. In essence they are equal, but different. This doesn’t line up with modern feminism. Why not?
It’s a different set of values for an entirely different set of goals.
Man is the headship, as in provider, security, provision and strength, woman is the body as in nurturer, spirituality, heart and love. Each equal but different. A headless body or head with no body is equally useless and just as equally dead. How can we be “one flesh” before God without a complete body (flesh)? So we need to understand what is headship, and how to apply it in the family structure.
Let’s take a look at what the Head of the Church means.
Jesus Christ is the head of the church, and men are to be the same head within their families, in other words like Christ. So we must understand HOW Christ is the head of the church, what that entails on a day-to-day basis, and how we function under the promises by Grace that Jesus Christ died to give. It is in this we will be able to understand what a real headship means in God.
Jesus Christ’s Authority
The authority that is executed by Christ is that of His life, His example and His teachings. We are to have the same mind that He has (Philippians 2:5-8 ). In this passage we find:
“Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God:”
This is a bold statement and one that men use to give weight to having absolute authority within the home. It is used, unfortunately, to provide a form of subjagation of others, rather than providing the understanding of the inherent responsibilities of the man that rests squarely on his shoulders within the home. It is explained further what this means in the following passages.
“But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:”
So here we expand our understanding. Man, as a husband, has been given authority to lead, in other words, like Christ, he must humble himself fully and serve his family through his leadership. One of the best definitions of leadership I ever heard was this: leadership is the ability to serve others so they may accomplish the tasks before them.
Being made in the likeness of men is a critical point as it infers some very specific things in relationship to God.
First, men are the creation and are therefore under the authority of God, this is true for husbands (being the creation of God) as well. Being under that authority, they are responsible for the overall spirituality of the home, the understanding of God’s word, etc. In other words, they have a responsibility to give their family a complete knowledge of God (to the best of their ability).
Second, husbands must establish a living and real relationship with God that they may know how to lead, how to be full of love and grace, and ultimately be the example by which everyone else can look up to and emulate in their own walk of faith. Husbands are the priests of their households, and like priests their first responsibility is to God. It is good to note that priests can not stand for you before the throne, but teach, lead, and become a living example of righteousness that gives you the tools by which to stand yourself, righteously, before God.
Third, this being in the form of man had a purpose. That purpose was sacrifice. When Jesus came and became man, it was to balance the scales of the world and give mankind hope, salvation and a new life under the promises through His Grace that He gave. In the same fashion husbands must sacrifice themselves for their families, to give the a real opportunity in life (hope), a security in this life (salvation), and the foundation for his children to build on to go forth in their own lives and make their own way (new life).
This is how husbands, fathers, et al, reflect a Christ-like leadership in the home. So what does this all mean? The last of these verses is very clear on this point:
“And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.”
So husbands must humble themselves, knowing their role in the family. That they are leaders by example, and authority, but that this leadership calls for service, humility and above all love. This love does not exalt the man, but humbles him. It does not make him MORE than his wife, but equal with his own set of priorities, and the authority to execute them, which is a God-given commandment and responsibility.
This is how Jesus Christ is the head of the church. We follow Him because we desire to, and not because He forces us to. We love Him because He gives unselfish, undying love to us, even unto the cross. We honor Him because of His sacrifice that paved the way to life eternal. And finally we become like Him because of the changes our walk of faith brings within us — from carnal man into sons (and daughters) of the living God. This is our inheritance, and Jesus Christ’s legacy which He gave all of us on the cross.
It is humbling to know that we as husbands, fathers, brothers and sons are called to be like Christ and leave our own legacy of light to those we love.
The role men and women play in life changes when they are married in relation to God and each other. Their inherent equalness to God, favor, intelligence, et al, has not changed. But when they come together there is a completeness and oneness that is ordained of God. As such the roles are defined biblically so you don’t have one or the other taking dominance, in other words, trying to do the other’s part.
You’re defined as BOTH a child of God, and in the role(s) you play in life. These are differing aspects that make up the WHOLE you. The mother, as a role in life, does not do the same things as the CEO or secretary. The father role is not the same as the brother role, etc. But the total sum of all you do and what your relationship with God is, totally defines ALL of who and what you are.
The husband leads in outer things (to simplify), the wife in the inner things. What does this mean?
For the wife:
1. Cares for children and the home
2. Supports the family emotionally, spiritually
3. Is equal in family-decisions (Caveat here: if there is a dispute between the husband and wife, the wife should allow the husband the final decision as his role is final responsibility to God concerning his family. This is only if there is no agreement on basics where the man is responsible: money, food, shelter.)
4. As wife is the support to the husband in all areas
For the husband:
1. Provides the home, amenities for the family
2. Provides physical security for the family
3. Leads in family decisions, but gives equal weight to the spouse of familial decisions (Caveat here: if there is a dispute between husband and wife, the husband has the final decision as this is his responsibility before God and is held accountable)
4. As the husband is the support to the wife in all areas
A broad brush yes, but gives an idea of the flow. It in no way diminishes one from the other but in equality balances the home under God.
I use an adage of mine to describe marriage relationships (and others as well). Marriage is like a pair of pants, each gets a pant leg and learns to walk together.
Blessings,
Jonathan
It’s a different set of values for an entirely different set of goals.
Man is the headship, as in provider, security, provision and strength, woman is the body as in nurturer, spirituality, heart and love. Each equal but different. A headless body or head with no body is equally useless and just as equally dead. How can we be “one flesh” before God without a complete body (flesh)? So we need to understand what is headship, and how to apply it in the family structure.
Let’s take a look at what the Head of the Church means.
Jesus Christ is the head of the church, and men are to be the same head within their families, in other words like Christ. So we must understand HOW Christ is the head of the church, what that entails on a day-to-day basis, and how we function under the promises by Grace that Jesus Christ died to give. It is in this we will be able to understand what a real headship means in God.
Jesus Christ’s Authority
The authority that is executed by Christ is that of His life, His example and His teachings. We are to have the same mind that He has (Philippians 2:5-8 ). In this passage we find:
“Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God:”
This is a bold statement and one that men use to give weight to having absolute authority within the home. It is used, unfortunately, to provide a form of subjagation of others, rather than providing the understanding of the inherent responsibilities of the man that rests squarely on his shoulders within the home. It is explained further what this means in the following passages.
“But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:”
So here we expand our understanding. Man, as a husband, has been given authority to lead, in other words, like Christ, he must humble himself fully and serve his family through his leadership. One of the best definitions of leadership I ever heard was this: leadership is the ability to serve others so they may accomplish the tasks before them.
Being made in the likeness of men is a critical point as it infers some very specific things in relationship to God.
First, men are the creation and are therefore under the authority of God, this is true for husbands (being the creation of God) as well. Being under that authority, they are responsible for the overall spirituality of the home, the understanding of God’s word, etc. In other words, they have a responsibility to give their family a complete knowledge of God (to the best of their ability).
Second, husbands must establish a living and real relationship with God that they may know how to lead, how to be full of love and grace, and ultimately be the example by which everyone else can look up to and emulate in their own walk of faith. Husbands are the priests of their households, and like priests their first responsibility is to God. It is good to note that priests can not stand for you before the throne, but teach, lead, and become a living example of righteousness that gives you the tools by which to stand yourself, righteously, before God.
Third, this being in the form of man had a purpose. That purpose was sacrifice. When Jesus came and became man, it was to balance the scales of the world and give mankind hope, salvation and a new life under the promises through His Grace that He gave. In the same fashion husbands must sacrifice themselves for their families, to give the a real opportunity in life (hope), a security in this life (salvation), and the foundation for his children to build on to go forth in their own lives and make their own way (new life).
This is how husbands, fathers, et al, reflect a Christ-like leadership in the home. So what does this all mean? The last of these verses is very clear on this point:
“And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.”
So husbands must humble themselves, knowing their role in the family. That they are leaders by example, and authority, but that this leadership calls for service, humility and above all love. This love does not exalt the man, but humbles him. It does not make him MORE than his wife, but equal with his own set of priorities, and the authority to execute them, which is a God-given commandment and responsibility.
This is how Jesus Christ is the head of the church. We follow Him because we desire to, and not because He forces us to. We love Him because He gives unselfish, undying love to us, even unto the cross. We honor Him because of His sacrifice that paved the way to life eternal. And finally we become like Him because of the changes our walk of faith brings within us — from carnal man into sons (and daughters) of the living God. This is our inheritance, and Jesus Christ’s legacy which He gave all of us on the cross.
It is humbling to know that we as husbands, fathers, brothers and sons are called to be like Christ and leave our own legacy of light to those we love.
The role men and women play in life changes when they are married in relation to God and each other. Their inherent equalness to God, favor, intelligence, et al, has not changed. But when they come together there is a completeness and oneness that is ordained of God. As such the roles are defined biblically so you don’t have one or the other taking dominance, in other words, trying to do the other’s part.
You’re defined as BOTH a child of God, and in the role(s) you play in life. These are differing aspects that make up the WHOLE you. The mother, as a role in life, does not do the same things as the CEO or secretary. The father role is not the same as the brother role, etc. But the total sum of all you do and what your relationship with God is, totally defines ALL of who and what you are.
The husband leads in outer things (to simplify), the wife in the inner things. What does this mean?
For the wife:
1. Cares for children and the home
2. Supports the family emotionally, spiritually
3. Is equal in family-decisions (Caveat here: if there is a dispute between the husband and wife, the wife should allow the husband the final decision as his role is final responsibility to God concerning his family. This is only if there is no agreement on basics where the man is responsible: money, food, shelter.)
4. As wife is the support to the husband in all areas
For the husband:
1. Provides the home, amenities for the family
2. Provides physical security for the family
3. Leads in family decisions, but gives equal weight to the spouse of familial decisions (Caveat here: if there is a dispute between husband and wife, the husband has the final decision as this is his responsibility before God and is held accountable)
4. As the husband is the support to the wife in all areas
A broad brush yes, but gives an idea of the flow. It in no way diminishes one from the other but in equality balances the home under God.
I use an adage of mine to describe marriage relationships (and others as well). Marriage is like a pair of pants, each gets a pant leg and learns to walk together.
Blessings,
Jonathan
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